Prenuping Made Palatable by The Queen of PrenupsSo you are relaxing with cocktails on the balcony and as the sun sets your fianc? turns to you, this love of your life, and says "Sweetie, I want you to sign a prenup!" after a huge gasp on your part you should rebound with....
"Fabulous! Since you are asking I believe that you will be paying all the legal fees." This is not an open ended question, this is a leading question (designed to achieve the answer we want).
Take a deep breath, stay away from heavy crystal, and wait for the answer. If at first response he is not leaning towards paying for the attorney, it is okay. THIS IS NOT A DEAL BREAKER, it is a negotiating point! The discussion about prenups becomes tabled for the moment until the discussion about who is footing the bill for the said prenup is resolved.
Ladies, men work on logic so you can always fall back on these arguments:
1. The longer we linger over whether or not you will pay for this, the farther away we are from signing the prenup
2. Sweetie, I think it is a fabulous idea and a lovely gift for us both, so the fact that you offered just leaves me speechless (meanwhile if he agrees to pay for the prenup that he asked for, you can remain speechless)
3. Once this is settled we can move on to planning the wedding and the honeymoon
Now the above advice is for couples where the man is asking for the prenup or he has a higher income. Keep in mind this is the beginning of your life together and the document upon which that life rests. It is important to speak your mind, stand up for what you need and want, and don't give up or give in on anything you are unsure about or think you might resent later. Unexpressed expectations are planned resentments, anything you don?t say will come back to haunt you later.
Now is no time to be a feminist. If ever there were a time to act like a princess or a Southern Belle now is it. "Well I do declare I just wouldn't feel right about paying for a prenuptial agreement that I never thought of until you mentioned it!"
What to put in Writing and What to Leave out
It is important to realize that the details of your prenup will become public in the case of divorce or breach. Why does The Queen mention this? Well since a prenup is a contract that holds each partner to certain responsibilities or "tasks" you may want to remember that discretion is the better part of valor. Just because anything can be included in your prenup doesn't mean it should be. As my grandmother used to say" If you don't want it on the front of the newspaper...don't do it!"
In this case if you don't want to discuss it in front of a judge or when in doubt leave it out!
Here is a list of possible items to omit from your prenup:
- You must get permission before cutting your hair
- You must have sex three times a week
- You must get plastic surgery
- You cannot gain more than 10 pounds
- You must get permission before spending over $500.00
- You must sleep naked every night
- You must shave your legs, privates, and armpits every two days
- You must be willing to endure all his newfound fetishes
Okay now let's talk about what TO add to the prenup:
- Business Ownership
- Wills and Estates
- Life Insurance
- Legal Fees
- Infidelity Clause
- Standard of Living
- Sunset Clause
- Retirement Funds
- Debts & Loans
As trivial as some of these items may seem or as surreal as the possibility of divorce may be, it is important that you think like a boy scout! Be Prepared!
Everyone wants their marriage to last and no one would get married if they were focusing on the worst case scenario. This information is intended to boost your confidence, and keep you in the know. Under no circumstances should any book, conversation, or web site replace getting legal advice based on your personal circumstances and the laws where you live.
This article brought to you by The Queen of Prenups at Prenuping.com. Author of "Help! He Wants Me to Sign a Prenup"